Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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