I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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