I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Can Purell be used as lube?
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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