she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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