she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
