it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
