I just cut my nipple shaving
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
