Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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