Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Randomize
