i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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