I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
