Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You smell like stripper and shame
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
