My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
