Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
