He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
