No subtext here. People are naked.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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