Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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