there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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