Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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