this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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