Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
