I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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