Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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