I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
