Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
