i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
