I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
