oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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