I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
