Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
