I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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