I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
