she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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