What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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