i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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