i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
We don't watch enough power rangers
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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