Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
