Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
