My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
