I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
