..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize