3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
it's great music for shaving your balls
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
