Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
