In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
