so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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