if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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