Ambien. No doubt about it.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
tell me about the fingering
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
