1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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