its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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