fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
