Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
