If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
