she looked like the before picture.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
