Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
