Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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