I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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