watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
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