shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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