Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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