OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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