you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Randomize
