Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
