Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
