i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
