If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
