About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
