Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
