Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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