glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
