you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
