Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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